who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My life is pants optional.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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