The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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