Betty ford says i'm here all night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
