Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
