you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
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