I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
