foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
