So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Randomize
