We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
