when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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