I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
