i jhust puked up my retainher.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
