When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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