Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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