On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just high enough for therapy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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