Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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