so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I did not marry a roomba.
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