Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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