The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
