Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
