I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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