What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
