you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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