Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
