A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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