I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
