There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
