I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
