we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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