i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Text me some of your sweat
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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