so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
