I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
