I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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