i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
