So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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