remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
