I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize