love makes seman taste better
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Green mimosas i think yes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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