Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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