so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
