I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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