Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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