We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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