I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
