It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
