please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
