I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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