i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
