Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
