he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
we should paint friendship bongs
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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