Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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