actually, I'm a sock model
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
