If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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