So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
