I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
