So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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