conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
