just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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