I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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