Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
