Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i will never coherently bang her
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
