i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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