you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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