i was born a porn star she said
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love having hate sex.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
