it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
high people should be assigned attendants
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
