After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sorry about my life...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
