I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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