its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
