why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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