i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well you can't waste a boner
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
