Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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