I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
