He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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