She said her name was "party"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
