i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
