oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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