There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
