what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
