I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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