Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
