i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
