one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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